you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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