is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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