I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
false alarm. still invincible.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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