thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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