Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
