the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
