Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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