I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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