i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
