It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
