Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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