he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
