Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
