Only a mothe r could love this liver
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
3pm strippers are depressing
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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