she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
