Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
