Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
