I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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