508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
