I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
