we're chasing vodka with high fives
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
