Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
