took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
