quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
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