All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
