Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
