using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm both gender and math confused
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