Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
