Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
