it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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