Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
