he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
