If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
ttyl tear gas
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
