I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
