and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
