Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
