you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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