Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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