I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
