Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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