finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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