Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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