I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
