she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It's blow job season.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
