I think i peed on brittanys purse
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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