I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
