Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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