trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
