but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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