I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
