too bad you live with your parents still
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
