First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
