there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
