On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
