Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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