Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
