I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
