Can i not drive my cunt home
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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