Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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