Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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