she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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