if i can run in heels then i can drive
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
