I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
