Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
