Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
