it hurts more in the daytime
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
