do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
