i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Randomize
