I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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