I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
