she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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