i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
