I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize