he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
