Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
