Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
